A Force Majeure Clause for the New Millennium

Standard force majeure contract clauses, where "Acts of God" excuse one party from performing its obligations without such non-performance being deemed a breach, are so 20th Century. The community of contract lawyers desperately needs a force majeure clause for the clear and present dangers of the new millennium! So, I have assumed the heavy burden of drafting such a clause for my colleagues to use freely:

"Either party's non-performance of this Agreement shall be excused to the extent that it is caused by any of the following events:

(i) Alien abduction, invasion, possession or interference. As used herein, "alien" means a life form, whether or not carbon-based, from any other time, world, galaxy, universe, or dimension, and includes angels, Lucifer and his minions, Yeti (a/k/a Bigfoot), Mothman, Chupacabra, Gozer, Pukwudgies and the so-called "Grays." For avoidance of doubt, "alien" does not mean a foreign national without a work visa.

(ii) A pandemic or plague, whether or not caused by an unknown virus released during an alien autopsy at Area 51.

(iii) Seas boiling (whether or not the result of global warming), the rising of the dead (whether or not the dead appear as so-called zombies), mountains falling (but not earthquakes), the re-emergence of Atlantis, and dogs and cats living together.

(iv) Destructive power unleashed by any of the following: the finding of the remaining crystal skulls, the reverse engineering of alien technology, or the discovery of the Ark of the Covenant.

(v) The end of the world on December 21, 2012, according to the Mayan calendar. "

I'm sure that this clause will start to appear in countless of commercial contracts. My fellow contracts lawyers may use it without attribution, but I do request a small donation to my favorite esoteric interviewer, Tim Binnall of Binnall of America.

And remember, as those esteemed scholars of the paranormal stated in the award-winning documentary, Ghostbusters, "These things are real, they exist."

Thanks for blogging with me thus far!